XxZacharyWxX

I should have posted this here but my recent inactivity here is due to the fact that I dont feel wanted nor well... Any form of welcome here since my 'indefinite' ban a year ago.

I do not mean anything towards my watchers. You all make me feel welcome here. You guys are amazing... But its the staff thats the problem. This site just doesnt feel welcome to me anymore. Hence why i rarely upload anything.

Its none of my watcher's fault. Its the staff's. So I have moved my main art hub to my tumblr where i feel safer and more welcome.

I warn you that my tumblr has nsfw stuffs. From time to time. But if you want to see my arts and stuff it mainly consist of just pinup stuffs.

If you need this ghost you will find him on tumblr here.

thevioletghost.tumblr.com

Ill keep my account active just to keep watching my friends here. Maybe become more active if my ban ever gets lifted. But my time here might never be the same here again. Thank you all for being amazing, its been fun, ive had a blast. And till the hopeful future. Ill catch ya later.

Your Friend
TheVioletGhost

Hey i hate to ask suddenly but anyone got 25 dollars to spare for the holidays? Its not for me but an irl friend of mine and he needs it to pay off a loan and if he dont he'll start loosing things.

Sorry to bother anyone with this just thought id ask. If ya do can you get in contact with me?

Again sorry.

Dont store your money on your Patreon. They will steal it from you and will leave you trying to find more ways to pay for stuff for your little brother...

Ive known this for three days, i know it was thirty dollars but i was saving it for Christmas only to find it gone okay?

Also please no more harsh, rude, or demeaning comments ive had more than enough this previous month and i dont want to deal with anymore "get a job" comments though no matter how many times i explain it NO ONE listens... Well next to no one. Those that do thank you.

Anyway imma hopefully start making christmas gifts tonight if the stick is removed by then. Hope you all will have a great holiday season. :3

Hey guys me here... and I need to ask for advice.

If you guys followed me during 2013 you may have seen that drama play out. But I need to explain the full story.

Back then there was a group of friends I had. We were all the closest guys we could be online he'll I'd even state we were all the best of friends... till we lost someone important to us all. We tried to be the best of friends and for a time after we were. We stool up for each other, made each other laugh, and we stayed friends.

Then after a while things fell apart, fights started happening, drama insued.. I tried to stay out of it I really did. In fact the more I heard about negatives of other friends I overlooked it. I ignored all the nasty things I heard. I wanted to stay a friend to each of them... till the girlfriend I had at the time manipulated me into doing some things that... looking back were terrible.

I fell into the drama, made people  hate this one friend which I should have been there for. When he found oh about it..... his reaction I deserved. We didn't fight he and i. We just went our separate ways after that.

Eventually after that 'girlfriend' left me soon everyone of them left me behind. I turned against one friend to stand up for them then they left me behind the next year it seems. And afterwards I felt anger towards him... I wasn't myself.

Fast forward to the present. Your think that for people you'd hate you'd block them, unwatch them, alter statuses, or just remove anything that had to do with them... I didn't, in fact here on DA I still watch him and every time I see him post a picture or anything I'd immediately delete it... till the beginning of this year.

Here recently ive... had a new emotion whenever I saw his updates... regret. Lots and lots of regret. I even in fact started hating myself for the decisions I made back then, heck a few of my friends still hate him... but for me I have no reason to. That girlfriend it turns out was using me the entire year we were together, those friends I stood up for left me behind except for one or two. And the anger I felt just isn't there anymore.

I often fall asleep wanting to say I'm sorry to him.. but how do i justify what I did? Do I beg for forgiveness? Do I try and make it up to him? ... I'll be honest I feel I deserve none of his forgiveness. I in fact don't deserve anything from him.

If I did apologize to him. I'd just leave it there. Let him see it then him decide what happens. But the fear that I am not worth forgiving in his eyes... it for some reason fills me with an overwhelming fear, a fear so overwhelming that I can't bring myself to say  a word.

Usually this wouldn't be a problem. Just ignore it and it'll go away right?... sadly its become more prominent now then ever. The more groups I joined on like steam, discord, skype, and even Facebook he's there... a constant reminder of what an asshole I was.

In the end I'd ask for his forgiveness even though I'm not worth it. I'd try and make it up to him, not worth that either. I'm just so sorry I can't put the words out. Hehe I guess in a way we've both matured a lot since then from what I hear and see.

Guys I would like your opinion on what I I should do.

Am I worth forgiving? When I did something like that so long ago that was so stupid?

And if you for some reason see this randomly, I hope you can forgive me, I can never state how sorry I am.

I'm choking up just writing this I'm so scared.

I'm gonna leave it like that.

Till next time see ya guys later.

It's been just about a month.... I can't hold it in anymore.... I miss everyone... I miss Marcy, I miss Shadow, I miss Dragon, I just feel so alone.

I don't know why any of you left me behind when my life was finally becoming more stable. It feels like I'm the one forever destined to have a scar, some reason to always be depressed to never smile cause the moment things get better something worse comes up and I'm abandoned..

It wouldn't hurt me so bad but this isn't the first time and when this crap happens its not just one... it's at least five people who leave me behind, and its always the ones I grow close to. I try ignoring it, make myself smile think everything will be alright.. but when it feels like so little people have anything to do with you how can you smile? Or have people who help cheer you up? (I appreciate those who do by the way.)

Eventually I stopped asking for help.. cause its like the amount I care is meaningless now or something... once or twice that's fine... but fourteen?

I could sit there and cry or worse but I'm not that kind of person... but... the alternate is far worse as of late my compassion just isn't there anymore, I've been trying my hardest to find something to bring some emotion, to produce a tear at anything... it's been two months. I fear I'm loosing myself anf I can't afford to not care anymore.

I need your help.. desperately. If you guys who read this see me come online like on steam or something. Some days its not so bad but it would make me feel so much better just to have people to talk to. Help make me feel that I really am cared for. That my kindness means something.

I'm sorry but this vent needed to happen before I exploded.... deddedded..... defdwddesdeedwsdddwscjzfar. Burg -3-

I'll feel better after a good night's sleep. Get back to work but.... if any of you guys see this... I miss you... all of you... please come back.